Thursday, May 15, 2014

Heightening your observation assignment.

Well, I have written another assignment. This one is about heightening your observation. It is to help you slow down your writing by adding more detail to it. (Boy, did it work, it took me almost 3 hours to write one very short story.)
I was to go back to my last assignment for developing a character and add more detail about the person and the scene. They wanted you to use your powers of observation to add sights, smells and sounds to the story.

The hardest part of this was the space count. I edited and edited and edited to get it down to fit in the space provided. I went from 1952 spaces to finally 1201.... Wait 1201. One freakin' character off.
Oh hell, if the reader can't tell the story is over, they need a whole lot more than one freakin' period.

So here is the final draft... all 1200 freakin' spaces of it.

As I listened to the bird's and watched the ever changing pattern of sunlight through the tree leaves, I heard the deep rumble of the school bus. With the sweet smell of honeysuckle lost in the acid smell of diesel fumes the big yellow bus came to a stop. The doors opened and I saw her on the steps. Her light brown hair swung forward hiding her face. A pair of worn blue jeans and red short sleeve t-shirt accenting her small frame. A sweater stuck out of a backpack that looked to weigh as much as she did. She slowly stepped down onto the black asphalt, took a few steps turned and waved to the bus. She fussed with her backpack, casting a sideways look through a curtain of hair. The boisterous noise of kids faded, she turned to go. The poor dear was limping and could only hobble a few feet before crumbling forward like someone let the air out of her. “Are you okay?” At the sound of my voice she jerked up and made a quick swipe at the tears I saw running down her face. She tried to smile, but failed. She shook her head and struggled to walk without limping. Recognizing that resolve to show no weakness, I offered her a tall stick 'to keep the dogs away' and watched her gallantly walk on

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