Friday, May 9, 2014

Feedback desperately needed...

Hi all. Remember me.

No, I'm not dead, at least I don't think so. If I am this is so cool... there is internet access in the afterlife.

I am trying to get back to writing, so I am taking an online fiction writing course at I am really enjoying it, except for one thing. There are too many freakin' people taking it with me.
I spend time writing posting my assignments, but no feedback. So I am going to start posting them here.
Hopefully you guys can help me out. After all without feedback, I think I am getting better, but who knows.

Well, here goes.

My first assignment was to write 2 paragraphs mixing fact and fiction. One paragraph had to contain 3 facts and 1 fiction the other 1 fact and 3 fictions.

 Here is what I wrote:

The pyramid glowed in the night. Creating a comforting light for those who lived near by. The magical powers of it's sound chambers gave the people a long healthy life and bless the lands with prosperity.  My father was one of many that designed it. The location was chosen for the underground springs that would create the proper harmony and energy needed, and  now, after 20 years, Khufu's Horizon was complete.

The strong winds continued to blow, as they had for the last 9 hours. The  lights had gone out 2 hours after the hurricane's arrival, and the candle light seemed to make the constant roar even worse. We stood at the windows watching the trees lean further and further over as the rain soaked grown gave up its hold on the shallow roots. One more tree down across the creek will block it and cause the water to raise onto the porch. The suddenly there was silence. The storm had passed and we were spared.

Well can you tell which one is which? Did I blend fact and fiction well?

Please, Please, Please help.

I will be forever in your debt and promise to remember you when I become rich and famous.

Crap as bad as my memory is I had better make up a file now with everyone's name so I can keep my promise. (Opens new File and types Little People who helped my out...)


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Do they go together? Because hurricanes and pyramids usually don't mix.
I've been through hurricanes. Never stand at the window and they don't end that quickly. And if you're using candles, it would be too dark to see what what happening outside.
Second one have most of the fiction?
And good to hear from you! Sorry, I took the weekend off from blogging.

Theres just life said...

They are 2 separate things, but the first has the most fiction. Though it is dased on fact.
The second one is about the multiple hurricanes I have gone through in my life. You can't see far but when the tree is 12 feet from the house you can see it. I never stand at the window except on the oppisit side from where the wind is blowing. I don't even like being in the room were the wind is hitting the wall.
Hi, to you to Alex and thanks for the help.