Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Thursday, June 23, 2011

What a View...#fridayflash



What a View...


   What a view. I can see for miles from up here. I have never really appreciated this view, never really looked at it. I was always too busy to take the time. It's only by accident that I am enjoying it now.

   I can see the deep navigation channel from here.  The water changes from the light blue of the shallows to a deep navy. Those small islands look like bright green paint spatters.

   Over there you can see the chemical storage tanks. Hey some of them do they do have floating roofs, would you look at that.

   In this direction you can see the skyline of downtown. Boy that sure has grown since I first moved here. Just look at all that traffic. I sure am glad I don't have to drive in that.

   I always knew there were a lot of ships on these waterways, but I never realized the variety. The big cargo ships, loaded with shipping boxes that look like a child's building blocks. The flat barges with everything from machinery to piles of ore or dirt or what ever that is. Boy would my kids like to climb those hills.

   There goes a tour boat. Man they do they keep that thing clean, the sun reflecting off that white can blind you. I can barely make out all the people waving at me. Might as well wave back, Hi.

   And of course, all the tug boats are running around trying to heard everything in their way. Kinda like that new blue heeler puppy we got that herds everything with legs no matter what the size.

   There's the Coast guard cutters. The authority of the waves. I have a lot of respect for those men and women. They are out there everyday risking their lives and limbs to keep us safe.

   Ah, here comes the fire boat. Would you look at those water guns. Man I would love to get my hands on one of those. I could think of a couple of people I would like to soak. Looks like they got a big latter for rescues too.

   Yeah the view up here is great. But, since I had 4 cups of coffee this morning I sure hope they hurry and get me untangled from this damn crane.

©2011 Pamela Jo

Houston Ship Channel


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

What a Dad...

   I saw an article in the Houston Chronicle about the "Wave at The Bus" Dad. If you haven't seen this check it out.

   This dad gets up everyday of the school year and waves his teenager off to school on the bus. Sounds sweet doesn't it....Well... He waves every morning in a different costume. Yes, you read that right...costume. The Little Mermaid, a Pirate, a blushing BRIDE..(yes, he wore a real wedding dress.) just to name a few.

   This dad and the whole family have been written up in numerous papers. Is it embarrassing to his son... of course, that's the whole point. But the kid has a great attitude about it too.

   All I have to say is....

"Way to go Dale. I wish there was someone like you in my neighborhood. If there was I think I would become a morning person just to see you wave."


  Check out their website for the pictures. Since I didn't have permission to post one yet, I didn't.
But you have to see these costumes.  Click here for Wave at the Bus.




In honor of Dale's White Wedding Wave...






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Saturday, April 23, 2011

T is for Twain...Mark Twain....



   Today's letter is T....

Mark Twain photo portrait.Image via Wikipedia



   One of the most famous and loved American writer of all times was Mark Twain. Below are a few of the quotes he left us and they are just as applicable now as the day he wrote them.


On growing old...

"When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not."

"Life would be infinitely happier if  we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen."


On Human Nature...


"The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become."

"Action speaks louder than words but no nearly as often."



On succeeding in life...


"To succeed in life you need two things: ignorance and confidence."

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."


He must have had governments and politicians in mind with these...


"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time , and your government when it deserves it."

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."

"The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it."


And remember his advice when you think about politics and governments...

"When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear."


Twain's advice on writing...

"Substitute "Damn" every time you are inclined to write "Very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."





And as a last bit of advice remember this one...

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy St Patrick's Day...




   Okay I just made it.  The power went off yesterday and the surge blew out the DSL modem.  So my wish list yesterday didn't happen.  But I made St. Patrick's Day... barely.

   So here goes....

                  Happy St. Patrick's Day Everyone

drawing by Pamela Jo

    In honor of the day here are a few things Irish for your reading pleasure.


   Just about everyone has heard of Irish Coffee, but do you know it origins...

    Irish Coffee was born on a miserable winter in the 1940's.
A group of American passengers on a PAN AM flying boat landed in Foynes port, County Limerick*.  The chef at the restaurant and coffee shop was Joseph Sheridan.  Seeking a way to warm the freezing passengers, he added a measure of Irish Whiskey to their coffee.  The grateful passengers enjoyed their drinks and ask if it was Brazilian coffee.  Joe quickly informed them no it was IRISH coffee, and the legendary drink was born.
Pam AM Boeing 314 Clipper




    I have found 14 different recipes for Irish Coffee on line, but this one is the original ....


                                  The Original Irish Coffee Recipe

1) Preheat a stemmed 6 oz. whiskey goblet or Irish coffee glass with boiling water. Pour out the boiling water.

2) Add one jigger of good Irish whiskey.

3) Add three sugar cubes.

4) Pour in strong black coffee. Leave an inch below the top. Stir to dissolve the sugar.

5) Gently pour in some very lightly whipped heavy cream to the brim. You can pour it over a spoon so it won't mix in with the coffee.

An Irish coffeeImage via Wikipedia



   Here are just a few Irish blessings to brighten your day...


May the roof above us never fall in, and may the friends gathered below it never fall out.

May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.

May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.

May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And heaven accept you.

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all the way to your door.


Postcard: Image via Wikipedia




  And I will end with an Irish Ghost ....


    Ballygally Castle in County Antrim, currently a hotel owned by a major chain, is allegedly one of the most haunted places in the country. Lady Isobel Shaw, whose husband built the castle in 1625, is said to knock on doors at night and then disappear. While alive, Ms. Shaw was locked in her room by her husband and starved, until she leapt to her death from a window. 

http://www.getintravel.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/14-Ireland-Ballygally-Castle.jpg



   Check out this fun site here for recipes, games, and many things Irish.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Night of the Hunter's Moon (#Fridayflash, Monster Mash)...



   Welcome to a combination #fridayflash and Roh Morgon's Monster Mash blogfest post.  This is the first time I have entered a blogfest.  But I have a soft spot for monsters, especially this time of year. I mean what is October without Dracula, Frankenstein and pals.  That is like Christmas without Santa and his elves.  And I'm pretty sure that's illegal.


 



Night of the Hunter's Moon....



  The light from the Hunter's Moon bathed the old Victorian house on the dead end road at the edge of town. All the rooms downstairs were lit by the flickering of gas lights and candles.  Through the windows the women inside could be seen hurrying around getting ready for the  party.

  “Now remember when Vlad get here, DON'T mention anything to do with Hollywood this year.” Broom-Hilda said as she arranged the hors d'oeuvres .
The young ghost setting the table asked. “Why ever not?”
“Oh, that's right. You weren't around at last years party.” Frank's wife said as she gave her hair a quick glance in the mirror. “Well, someone mentioned that horrid new Underworld movie and Vlad went into a rage. He went on about how Hollywood never gets anything right.  Everyone KNOWS that he, Vladamir Dracul, was the first and most powerful vampire.”
Broom-Hilda took up the story, “He raged on and on how the monsters today.... Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, and that one in the hockey mask ... Jason Voorhees where just glorified Zombies made up by men with computers. They would never stand a chance back in Transylvania. How this younger generation has no respect or manners. They don't even wait to be invited into a house.”

  “Broomy,” Ilona interrupted, “You are talking with your wand again. You have spilled half the snails and toad hoppers on the floor.”
“Oh brother. Get back here.” Broom-Hilda quickly waved her wand at the hors d'oeuvres headed to the open door.
“Well I think a lively discussion helps make an interesting party.” ghost said, as she floated back to admire her handiwork.

  Mo'r, the older of the two banshees overheard her comment and called through the kitchen doorway, “Lively...you are new. Vlad is anything but Lively. He flew into such a rage, we had to nail him into his coffin. He was determined to fly to California and turn the City of Angels into the City of the Dead. Though with some of those people, I don't think anyone would know
the difference. I can't find any more type O blood.”
Broomy yelled back, “It's in the cellar next to the eye of newt. ”

  There was a howl at the door and Lupa hurried in. “Sorry I'm late I had to send Wolfy a howl-mail to come through the western woods. The townspeople are watching the roads.” She gave Broom-Hilda a quick hug, “Missed you at bridge.”
Broomy returned the hug and explained, “I had to attend the Fairy Tale Villain's dinner. I swear if I had heard Fe Fi Foo Fum just one more time I was going to turn that blasted giant into a beanstalk and chop him down myself. I can't believe I fell for those smooth talking Brothers Grim.”

  Countess Bathory came in and place the new decanter of blood in the bar. “Broomy there is the most horrible racket coming from the brambles in the back. It sounds like Ramses.”
Broom-Hilda turned to her sister, “Helga, you did remember to turn off the no trespassing spell didn't you?”

  Helga's eyes flew open wide and she sprinted for the door yelling, “Hold on Ramses...I'm coming.”
The Countess laughed, “I take it that is a no. You better send someone out with a robe. You know how bad he got tangled up last time.”
Honora the youngest banshee grabbed up a robe threw an “I'll do it”, over her shoulder as she headed through the door, running so fast her white hair streamed behind her like a wild mustang at full gallop.
The other ladies laughed and turned their attention back to the decorated room to admire their handiwork. “Well, I guess that's it.” Lupa said as she picked up the chair Honora in her haste had knocked over.

  Glancing out the window she announced, “Here come the men.”
Broom-Hilda led the others to the hall and threw open the door to Frankenstein, The Wolf man, and Count Dracula. “Welcome, Welcome. Come right on in the party is ready to start.”
Vlad handed Broom-Hilda his cloak and informed her the invisible man and Mr. Hyde were on the road behind them. He then kissed his brides hello and followed the others into the dinning room.

  Mr. Hyde hurried up the walk talking to the air beside him. He handed over his cloak and hat, and headed toward the others.
Before the Invisible Man crossed the hall, Broom-Hilda stopped him and held up two wristbands, “Griffin. Please be so good as to wear these. The ladies want to see where your hands are.” She quickly hung up the cloaks and followed him.

  As she entered she announced to the room, “Everyone, Please, have a drink. Don't worry about anything. We have plenty of coffins and beds for everyone. ...Ah, the band has started to play in the courtyard. Feel free to grab a partner and dance. We hired the “Crypt Kicker Five.”
Lupa grabbed the Wolf man, “Come on Wolfy, let's let the fur fly!” She dragged him to the courtyard behind Frank and his wife. Griffin was dancing with Mo'r, his wristbands glowing in the moonlight.

  Ramses, in the borrowed robe, led Honora to the floor, much to her delight. Dracula was dancing with all three of his wives. Mr. Hyde threw an arm around Broom-Hilda and pulled her onto the floor. The party was off to a smashing success.
   At a break in the music Boris and Igor burst into courtyard, “Sorry we're late but we just came from seeing that new Saw movie and...” Boris's voice faded off as Dracula's eyes started to glow red.

   Frankenstein shook his head and said, “I'll get the nails.. .”



©2010 Pamela Jo


Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Weaker Sex???

   I thought today, I would share a story with you that my fiancée told me.   My fiancée was a bodybuilder and assistant manager at a gym.  He told me this true story about one of his workout partners.  This was a woman bodybuilder who could bench press 300 lbs.  She came in to workout and told him about her experience the night before.
   That evening she got ready and went to bed as usual.  Early in the morning she was awakened from a sound sleep by an intruder jumping on top of her in the bed. 
   Without hesitating she grabbed him and lifted him bodily off of her.  She threw him to the ground, held him down and called the cops. When the cops arrived they found her sitting on the man waiting for them.  They placed the man under arrest.  Took her statement and hauled him off to jail. 
   When she was asked what she was thinking when she woke up, she said she wasn't.  She was mad that he had the nerve to come into her home and bed.  So she just reacted.
   I know this story is still being told by everyone who knows about it except probably one person.  I am sure he didn't tell a soul about what happened that night and would prefer to forget it himself. 
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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Here's Looking at you Kid...

   My sister stopped at the store near her house the other day and saw this...








...looking back at her.

   She couldn't resist snapping a picture with her phone and sending it out.  I am glad she did.  I loved the eyelashes, I wonder it the tiricure too. 

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Under the Sea (Part 1).

    I have always wanted to scuba dive.  Once I saw “The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau” I was lost.  Ariel dreamed of being where the people are, I dreamed of being where the fish are.

from Wikimedia Commons

    I took swimming classes as a child, I didn't do very well in class.  But that didn't stop me I taught myself to swim ... underwater of course.
   It was so quite and peaceful under the water, unless my brothers were around and decided to ride my back to side of the pool.  Then it was still quite but the peace thing was gone.  I was too concerned with getting back to where the people are so I could breath.  Did I mention I am terrified of drowning.
   I tried snorkeling at the beach, but the waves kept sending water down the snorkel.  That would trigger that whole terrified of drowning thing again.
   So I knew I would have to wait until I could learn how to scuba dive.  That way you take the air with you so you can breath.  That would solve that terrified of drowning problem.  Yeah right...
   So after I was out on my own with my own money I signed up for scuba diving classes.  I listened to all the things that could go wrong and how to correct them.  I learned all about the scuba equipment.  I bought a real scuba mask, a real snorkel, and real fins.  Not those cheap things from the pool department at Walmart. I got a dive knife, dive log, compass and a dive bag to put it all in.
   I was so proud of these purchases that walked around the living room trying them out.  And I only tripped on the fins a couple of times.  I never really liked that vase anyway.  I was so excited about our classes first day in the pool in full gear, that I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve.
   The big day dawned bright and sunny.  We got to the store and went straight into the pool room.  Suited up in all the equipment and hopped into the pool.  Now I have to say at this point we were in the shallow end of the pool in about 4 feet of water.  We were to go underwater sit on the bottom and practice purging water from our masks.  Okay great, here we go.
   Down I went, and promptly forgot to breath through my mouth.  I am trying desperately to breath through my nose that is blocked by the mask.  Uh oh, my brain goes into panic mode ... can't breath, no air, going to die on the bottom of the pool.  Then my legs remember I am only in 4 feet of water and I am 5' 8”, and stand up.  I immediately jerk the mask off and come face to face with a classmate who is more terrified than I am.
   This is a good thing.  My teacher mood kicks in.
   I start talking to her and calming her down.  I remind her that we can breath underwater.  We have these freaking heavy tanks full of air on our backs.  I told her to practice breathing with me through the scuba regulator and then we would go down together.  It worked.
She kept her eyes glued to me and we completed that exercise and all the others for the day.  I was so concerned with her I forgot about myself. Jacques Cousteau  would have been proud.

Picture of Jacques-Yves Cousteau.Image via Wikipedia


   After that I had no problem.  Until my friend (???) tried to drown me toward the end of the course.
   But that my friends is another blog.

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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Help I don't know what to write about...

   What do write about when you can't think what to write about.  Do you just throw yourself into it and hope for the best.  Or do you give up and hope tomorrow will be better.
  What if its not?  Is this a test of the universe to see if you actually can write under pressure?  Are the blog gods laughing at us?  Showing us they are in control of our writing life, not us.
   Okay, Uncle...Help...SOS....PLEASE.  Give me an idea.  I check all the usual places. The newspapers, other blogs, wiki,  the comics...Hey don't laugh you can get some great ideas there.  Nothing.  Not one little thing comes to mind.
   Now I am getting desperate.  I love keeping this blog up.  It helps me to de-stress.  It is my happy place .... Until I can't think of something to write about.

   Et tu, blogger?  

   Why have you turned on me?  What did I do to you?  I am sorry.  I don't know what for, but I am truly sorry.  Please forgive me.

    Nothing.  I still have no idea what I am going to write about.  I will have a blank screen staring back at me, laughing.  AAGGHHH.

   Wait.  What is this?  There are words on here.  There is a blog post.  Wow, how did that happen?

   THANK YOU,  BLOG GODS.   I will never take you for granted again.


   Wait did I just hear someone laughing!!!!



c. 1640-1645Image via Wikipedia




                          Dante Alighieri, in Canto II of The Inferno:

                               O Muses, O high genius, aid me now!
                               O memory that engraved the things I saw,
                               Here shall your worth be manifest to all!
                               (Anthony Esolen translation, 2002)






                         







    
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Monday, August 16, 2010

Could you hold please...Do I really have a choice ...

   Have you ever got one of these calls.  The phone rings you answerer it only to here a mechanical voice say,  “Please stay on the line for an important phone call.  We will be with you shortly.”
   Companies are now calling you up to put you on hold.  It is bad enough when you call them and you get “Thank you for calling.  Please hold.”  If your lucky you just heard an actual human voice tell you that.  It is probably the last human voice you will hear for quite awhile.  Unless you are calling to buy something, then they answer real quick.
   When you are on hold you listen to muzak or a recorded infomercial  for the company.  Then they tease you by taking you off hold only to hear the mechanical voice tell you “Your call is very important to us.  Please continue to hold.” and back on hold you go.  If my call was that important to them they would not have put me on hold in the first place.
   Then there are the ones that threaten you.  They have you on hold take you off long enough to say, “Please continue to hold.  If you hang up you will lose your place.  ALL calls are handled in the order they are received.”  You feel like a kid who is caught misbehaving by the teacher and is sent to the end of the line.
   But I guess that is better than calling someone only to hear this, “All lines are currently busy.  Please hang up and try your call later.”   Click.  Why say please hang up when they are going to hang up on you.  Maybe it so they have the excuses we said please.   This type of call doesn't even hold out a prayer of ever being answered.  You didn't win the lottery.  Better luck next time.  See ya.
   The more important your call is the ruder the hold response is.  These are usually utility companies or government agencies.  They know they have you over a barrel.  They know there is no one else you can call for your problem.  Can you say monopoly. 
   I get so mad with being put on hold.  My time is just as valuable as theirs is.  More so to me because it is mine.   They seem to enjoy stealing your time from you.  Now they don't even wait for you to call to steal it.  They call you. 
   Well in this case I am in charge not them.  You want to talk to me be there when I pick up.  Other wise I send you to back of the line and you will have to wait your turn. 
   All human calls are answered in the order the are received.  Computers calls are happily sent to the twilight zone of the disconnected.  Good luck getting  a hold of a human there.


Please Hold...






Maybe these companies need to make this mandatory reading.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Safe Drivers ???

  When family and friends get together you can learn so much about the people you thought you knew well.  All you have to do is listen...

   When our family gets together for weddings and such, you see people you haven't seen in years.  Everyone start reminiscing about the old days when they where younger.  I always like to listen in on the stories they share.  They get so wrapped up in the stories that they forget that your there and don't sensor them.

    At my sister's wedding a cousin and I sat in the living room with all the Uncles and Grandfather's and listened to the stories.   What did we find out?
    These men sitting in front of us ... the same ones who lecture us on our driving ...  Who tell us daily to be careful ....  And complained loudly that we drove too fast, when we drive 6 miles over the speed limit.  So what were they reminiscing about ... Drag Racing.




  

   These same men use to meet every week and hold drag racing events.  They talked about the cars and how they would spend every penny they had trying to build the perfect car.  They talked about the engines they rebuilt and blew up in the races.
   How nobody could ever beat my Granddad's blue Ford Fairlane with the big cop car engine in it. 




    My Uncle's tbird had come close until he souped up the engine so much it blew up during one of the races.








   The talked about the red sports car my Dad had that he loved to drive, until he spun out and wrecked it. They tried to recall exactly how many cars each of them had wrecked drag racing.
   These are the men that complained that we didn't know how to drive safely.  These are the men that  had made such a big deal out of hitting a shopping cart in the grocery store parking lot and scratching the bumper.  These men told us daily how we needed to be better drivers, and stay within the speed limits. 
   These are the safe drivers, who took it upon themselves to educate us on the way to drive.  And educate us they did.
   My cousin and I just sat there smiling, listening ...... and taking notes.
    


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Let me call you sweetheart....

   I have a horrible memory for names.  I remember faces but the names escape me.  No, it's not because I am getting older...More experienced.  I have always had this problem. 
   Why do you think I call everyone darling.  After all I'm not a Gabor sister.

Eva Gabor

                                   Oops, I just dated myself didn't I.


   This can get real embarrassing, like when you are trying to introduce someone.  I have done it so often that now it is expected of me.  I just brush it off with something like, okay I would like to introduce you  but you know I am horrible with names so just introduce yourselves.   Hey it worked for Dory in
Finding Nemo.
   When I taught dance, I had a little trick I did.  I would set the student's chart on a table by the floor and then dance them over to it to read the name.  I just pretended to see what step I needed to teach them next.  I knew that chart forward and backwards, literally.  I thought I was pretty slick until one Valentine's Day .....
   All my students got together and gave me a card.  It had Donald and Daisy Duck on it, and said ...Let me call you sweetheart.....Because I can't remember your name.
   I laughed and said... BUSTED.    They knew about it all the time.   Hey, I always said I got the smart people.
   Sometimes it helps to have accomplices.  If one of us couldn't remember a name, another one would go up to the person and introduce ourselves.  When we had the name we would walk by the other and tell them the name in passing.  Then they could go up to the person and pretend they knew the name the whole time.  That one worked like a charm.
   So if you forget names like I do, don't get upset about it.  Use one of the above tricks or make up a new one.  You could even try telling the truth ... I remember your face but I'm sorry your name escapes me. 
   Well, I hope I helped you out a little, Darling.


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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Time travel on aisle 4...

   It's that time of year again.  The time when I walk through the store and suddenly out of one of the isles I get hit with those smells.  The smells that immediately transport me back in time.  Back to the time when  the only house cleaning I had to do was my bedroom.  The only laundry I did was pick up my dirty clothes and put the clean ones away.  Dinner was cooked by someone else and bills where a mysterious unknown monster waiting in the distant future.
   What a wonderful smell.  I find myself following that scent around the corner and down the aisle.  Suddenly there it is right in front of me.  The bright yellow and green box full of hope that all things are possible.  The box of Crayola Crayons...


The first version the Crayola No.48 box (open)Image via Wikipedia



    When I was younger nothing brought as much joy and pleasure as that box with its brand new never used crayons.  Inside that box where mountains to climb, rivers to swim, forest to explore, and space to conquerer.  There where all kinds of exotic animals and fantasies to be seen.





    They say a picture is worth a thousand words... Well, inside that little box there where unlimited words  and stories.  Where would you like to be... under the sea ... at the north pole... on a beach...a galaxy far far away ...  Grab a piece of paper anything would do and go.
   Nothing was imposable or too far away.  That little box is magic.  If you don't believe me buy one and hand it to a small child with a pad of paper.  Stand back and watch the wonder shine in their eyes and the magic flow from their hands to the paper.  Who knew that zebras were really purple and yellow, and ate red grass under a pink sky.


Crayola 120ct Original Crayons

    Oh wow they now come in a box of 120 different colors... I really need that... For the granddaughter... so what if she is only one month old.  It's never to early to appreciate art.
 
   Wait.  What's that smell.  Can it be.  Yes it is... Play-doh.  I may never leave this aisle. 

 Play-Doh Classic 4 Pack

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